Jane Jensen, the writer and creator of the Gabriel Knight adventure game series, was asked about her feelings on multiplayer games. She had this to say: [Source: The Escapist]

“I never got into the MMOG thing because I even have trouble playing poker online. I don’t want to deal with some snotty 12-year old from Iowa. There’s only a certain percentage of people I like in the first place. It’s not like I’m going to go online to this false-reality world and find intelligent people.”

Guess what, online gamers? You’re a bunch of retards. Jane Jensen told me so. If you’d ever played her brainy-brain Gabriel Knight games you’d understand how smart she is, but I doubt you’ve played them. You know why? You’re a retard and you wouldn’t be able to comprehend them. Let’s just chalk it up to either your cro-magnum brain, the fact that you’re a snotty 12-year-old, or that you’re from the South or the Mid-West (I’m too confounded by how big a bunch of morons you are to actually figure out which one Iowa is in).

Let’s just say Gabriel Knight is way more difficult than playing online poker, which Jane Jensen has trouble with because it’s so far below her intelligence but you’d probably need a manual for. Maybe we can make poker easier by only giving you online game-tards one card per game. If your card is the highest you win. That’ll work, as long as you can actually read and count. Idiots.

Jane Jensen had more to say about how stupid you people are.

“You can’t overestimate the stupidity of the mass market.”

Yes! These people are definitely riding the short bus on route to their scheduled lobotomies. Can we start chemically castrating them so they can’t reproduce? Is that legal? Should we care if it’s illegal?

Jensen, resident genius, went on to say:

“One of the things Oberon Media does is play testing, where we go in and watch people play behind two-way glass. And it is amazing how stupid these people are. We had a jigsaw puzzle that was 12 pieces, so simple to put together, and people would spend 10 minutes on this thing!”

Alright, seriously. I can’t continue with this any more. Jane Jensen is a condescending prick, but come on! A 12 piece jigsaw puzzle took 10 minutes? Was the puzzle’s picture of Mickey Mouse making out with Miney too distracting? Maybe next time Oberon Media should stop recruiting test subjects from the adult education center. I’m pretty sure I could do a 12 piece jigsaw, with my eyes and Jane Jensen’s mouth closed, in under a minute. I’m not even implying anything sexual there.

Regardless, Jane Jensen, you’d be a lot better off not thinking of gamers as idiots who deserve your contempt. Maybe if you made smart games that people actually wanted to play you wouldn’t feel this way. Instead, you’re pretty much in a state of denial, where it’s hard to make games that people want to buy because they are stupid.

It’s 2007. People play online. They’re not all stupid. Stop being a jackass.