Today, as we celebrate the life of a man who had a dream, we should seriously reflect on if that dream included sitting around in your underpants and playing videogames all day, because if it did, then consider the dream fulfilled. I don’t want to take too much credit for single handedly fulfilling the prophetic dream of Martin Luther King. It was really a team effort between myself and the United States Government. They used their legislative power to give me the day off and I played videogames all day, possibly in my underpants. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

I just wanted to thank Martin Luther King for his sacrifice in pretty much the only way I know how: shooting imaginary people in the face. Some white people I know thought that it wasn’t an appropriate way to celebrate the life of MLK and was just me doing the same crap I do everyday. I think they were just upset because I drink at the same fountain as them. And just so you know, Whitey, I’m not going anywhere. In fact, whichever public bathroom stall you’re about to use, I just used it. Enjoy.