She's just another member of the team.

It’s not that we don’t take our job as the defenders of America’s gaming borders seriously. On the contrary, there isn’t anything we take more seriously in the world, except maybe the AIDS epidemic in Africa, but that’s only because we’re such nice goddamn guys. We spend most of our thought and energy worrying about one or the other. If I’m thinking about securing gaming borders, David is shedding a tear over the AIDS stricken kids he saw on Oprah last week, and when David is thinking about crappy games trying to illegally enter our borders, I’m shooting dice with homeless guys trying to raise money for AIDS victims in Africa. Always being on full alert could make anyone tired, even the staff of Danger Dance, or Double-D as we’re known in the underground hip-hop community and most strip clubs. So, we have to take a break and relax every now and again.

Well, we were only gone for a few days and we had to come back to crap like “Innov8“, an educational videogame. Apparently, IBM tried to slip this one by us thinking we wouldn’t catch on. Fat chance, douche bags. We’re on you like fat on your lead programmer’s ass.

IBM has been developing this particular educational videogame for quite sometime now and it’s “designed to teach graduate students a combination of business and IT skills”. What kind of exhilarating missions can you hope to complete “playing” this “game”? How about:

The first scenario involves improving operations at a call center, where workers are taking too long to solve problems and have poor documentation.

This sounds suspiciously like the plot of a Japanese rhythm game or, more worryingly, work, which is the antithesis of fun; the entire point of videogames. In fact, if IBM hadn’t said they had made a “game” based on this scenario I might have been tempted to solve it using a spreadsheet and a Visio diagram. I don’t know of any videogames I could play using parts of Microsoft Office, at least not any that a sane person would consider fun. That’s why Danger Dance is going to stand firm against “Innov8″. We’ll use all our might, which basically consists of complaining on the Internet and flexing our muscles in our respective bathroom mirrors, to combat this gaming atrocity from ever taking hold inside these borders. Not on our watch, Paco.