In an interview with Fortune, John Riccitiello, CEO of Electronic Arts, questioned how long gamers will pay $59 for a game, because, as it stands now, it’s cheaper to buy crack. Really, what kind of message does this send to the kids? I mean, besides that they could buy some crack and a trick from Sandy, the toothless crack whore, for less than the price of the next Grand Theft Auto game. The games industry might as well put the crack pipe in little Timmy’s mouth and the gonorrhea down his pants.

Riccitiello went on to say:

In the next five years, we’re all going to have to deal with this. In China, they’re giving games away for free.

Woah! Woah, Cowboy! Let’s take it easy. I’m all for cheaper games, but using the Red Chinese as an example, that’s where I draw the line. Did it ever occur to you, Mr. I’m-So-Smart-CEO-Man, that the reason they give away games for free in China is because those Commies hate capitalism so much? Probably not, because you were busy counting your stacks of money from when you charged all of us $59 and 99 goddamn cents for the latest Madden.

Sure, if you want to give me some games for free, it’s not like I’ll complain, but if you’re doing it because you want to imitate some Communist scum, count me out. I’ll get my free games the old fashion way, by downloading them from the Internet.

No, Timmy! Not you too!When the USSR used their stolen German scientists to develop those giant fur hats, did we copy them, even though they would have kept our heads warmer? No, because, in case you forgot, while sitting on your gold plated toilet seat and getting a back rub from your 14-year-old Filipino girl, this is America. We don’t follow a Commie, damned the consequences. Did you know that in 1954 the USSR came up with a condom made out of latex instead of the then standard sheep skin, tar, and wood glue combination? Probably not, because we Americans waited to develop our own contraceptive technology, rather than admit some Communists and their stolen Nazi scientists actually did anything worth using. Same thing happened with cheese. Thank God for those Wisconsin scientists.

It looks like someone is going to have to send you back to the reprogramming center, Mr. Riccitiello, because you’re pretty close to committing treason with your pro-Commie speech. When the uniformed men come for you, just take it easy and let them do their job. It worked out pretty well for me.

[via GameSpot]