In the abysmal Japanese sales charts, Seaman 2 debuted at number one, selling only 33,000 copies. That’s the lowest any game has ever sold and still come out on top in Japan, beating out the previous crap sales champ Halo 3. Still, number one isn’t bad for a game that features an animal with the face of a child molester pasted on.

Please, don't touch me again.
At least the original Seaman didn’t have hands. Or visible genitalia.

Most people will be thinking, “Why is no one buying games in Japan?” This overlooks the real question, which is, “Why are 33,000 people buying this creepy filth?” Somewhere, someone’s goosebumps are getting boners just thinking about Seaman 2.

As was pointed out earlier, Seaman 2 stars an ape with a child molester’s face. Who would voluntarily pay money to train a child molesting monkey for the sake of enjoyment? I have no idea, but that’s most likely because I don’t frequent cell block D at the local penitentiary where child predators and Internet Nigerian Princes live.

Please, PANIC!It’s not all together surprising that it was released in the first place, because pretty much anything can be released in Japan. A game where the objective is to take a giant dump in random people’s mouths would net at least 33,000 in sales. This could only happen in the country that invented and patented tentacle rape.

If you see this game on the shelf, don’t let the cover fool you. This is not The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. You should definitely panic. Who knows what the hell Seaman’s clutching in his hand on that cover? One thing’s for sure, it’s big and it’s ugly.

Just run. Seaman’s coming.

[via Gamasutra]