Danger Dance

I had some big plans involving the release of GTA IV. I wanted to jump on the hype bandwagon and start counting down the days to release. Each day closer to April 29th would have been another occasion for me to express how amazing the game would be, with certain and undeniable knowledge, based on solid and completely believable conjecture. Well, that plan went right out the goddamn window when I realized that GTA IV comes out tonight at midnight. I’ll just add this to the list of my life’s missed opportunities, sandwiched somewhere between using a time machine to kill Adolf Hitler and using a time machine to get the GTA IV countdown started a week ago. So, I guess the real root problem here is my procrastination in building a functional time machine.

Tomorrow should definitely be an exciting day, especially since I made no effort whatsoever to secure myself a copy. Despite the fact that this is the most anticipated game of the year — at least since when it was the most anticipated game of last year — and is being watched by the Guinness World Records as a candidate for the biggest launch in entertainment history, I have no doubt that I will secure a copy. It’s an elaborate plan I like to call “Beat Up A Child and Take Their Copy”. I don’t want to go into too much detail, because once I do everyone will mimic my carefully crafted plan, but I will say that it starts with a lot of finesse and ends with a brutal outburst of violence. Just to easy your mind, I would never hit a child, unless it was holding my copy of GTA IV, where “my copy” is defined as the one being held by the weakest looking kid. To further ease your mind, I do not discriminate based on gender. I’m no sexist. I’ll take out any child holding my copy of GTA IV.