Danger Dance

A belated metaphor for the holidays: it is better to give than receive.

There used to be updates around here. For some reason they just stopped. There’s a lot of blame to go around for it. Fortunately, unlike most websites, Danger Dance is about accountability. If someone isn’t doing their job, you, the reader, have the right to know why.

In order to satisfy your urge to point your callused gamer fingers and assign blame, I’ve crafted a speculative list of reasons that the site has not been updated recently. Hopefully, this can be a good guide in helping you determine who should most be punished with a kick in the crotch.

1. Laziness
This is the most likely culprit. A lot of times I would think about updating the site and instead be distracted by a videogame or a shiny object. Or a videogame about shiny objects resting comfortably on a cocaine covered hooker. Honestly, I barely remember the last two weeks. I think the game was about Star Wars. I remember there being some Wookiees.

2. Videogames are Stupid
It would be hard to refute this, even by people who play videogames. Take The Simpson’s Game as an example. It’s been hailed as the best Simpson’s game of them all, which is a lot like being the coolest guy in the leper colony. It’s nice for a little while, but pretty quickly your skin falls off and you die, leaving behind a stinky corpse.

If you had as much trouble following that analogy as I did, it means that The Simpson’s Game is not very good. It’s so aggressively mediocre it hurts. There are probably some die hard Simpson’s fans who will play the game just for the jokes and story, and they probably deserve what they’re going to get; herpes. Yes, The Simpson’s Game will give you herpes. Don’t play it.

(Note to developers: Don’t fill your game with clichés, then “ironically” point them out to us as some sort of hilarious Comic Book Guy joke and give it an associated achievement. As funny as you may think it is, your game is still filled with a ton of clichés, which I then have to slog through. The cut-scenes don’t actually make it any easier, because I could easily just watch an old episode of the Simpson’s and laugh without having to actually put in any effort.)

When I started out this list was going to be a lot longer and was going to assign some blame to terrorists. It wasn’t going to have much to do with the Simpson’s and their crappy games. I guess I’ll just end it here, not out of laziness but because The Simpson’s Game has destroyed my motivation to go on. So, if you really want to kick someone in the crotch for lack of updates, I’d go with the fine folks responsible for The Simpson’s Game.